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I think I'm falling back into that phase again.  The depressing stage of my life where I lack real friendship and true company.
I guess that's what happens when you move around a lot and never really get a chance to develop long lasting Friendships. For the fear that you get replaced, forgotten, and ignored. 
I miss being happy.  I was,  I thought, "happy"  for two months. But it didn't last very long as now I fall into another struggle and hardship. And with no one to share the burden with to make it lighter. 
I think I thrive in a small, habitual, everyday environment.  Where everything stays absolutely the same.  Mainly because I have a changing personality. So it balances.  But where I stay in a changing environment and I change a lot, now that's way too much change.  I badly need a shoulder to cry on.  I have a pillow I'm crying on right now.  It's weird.  People use instagram to highlight their lives.  I use this blog to share the sadness I have.  I mean don't get me wrong I have happy moments in life. I just don't feel willing to share it on social media because I know that that moment is fleeting.  Happiness can come and go like an instagram post or a Facebook post one day visible on your newsfeed, and then gone the next.  I like to be extremely happy or make the situation light during serious or gloomy times.  But now I'm beginning to see why people don't like being too happy.  I'm a person who likes to celebrate.  And I enjoy being alone.  It's just being alone too often isn't a good thing.  And celebrating alone isn't too fun either. 

If someone is reading this or if someone I care or I love is reading this, I would find it sad. Because now you would look upon me with pity. Thinking to yourself, "Poor girl.  She's so blessed in life, yet so sad." and then think to yourself how thankful you are to have the life that you have.  A life with hope, a future and full of friends to share the sad times, the happy times, good and bad times with.  You know they're always there in your little home town you take for granted because you've been there all your life and want to travel.  Well dear, I've been wandering for a while now and I miss and enormously crave one place I can truly call home.