I shall not leave and depart like this.
I thought and thought it over and thought that I had figured it all out when in reality, I have not yet.
When I thought that I already have the entire puzzle, the picture visible, and in my possession... when really, I don't.
New pieces keep appearing, that keep transforming and altering the picture. Every time that happens, it is not anymore just a picture of a cloud, but it changes, possibly to a picture of the sky.
Who knows how big it will be. How much it will expand.
I for sure do not, cannot, and will not know until the very end.
For now, maybe I will just paint. And imagine.
Even though I do not know the bigger picture. I know I will soon. And who knows when soon will be?
Monday, May 21, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Unfortunate
A large chunk of regret is protruding deep inside my mind.
I suppose I know I should have acted with more discernment and should not have let my... condition act for me. But what is done is done and I am not able to take it back even though I wish I could.
Today one sentence that was said has spoken to me the most and had possibly a major impact on my thinking. Gah, I've done it again, I've realized. How could that be possible?
I thought I had learned, but in reality I have not yet aquired the knowledge that I must obtain in order to actually apply it into movement.
It must be because I am still getting used to it. Oh rebuke that statement. I can never get used to things despite the conditions. I should know by now that I shouldn't and should just look to the future because I know that what is right now is not forever.
So should I just simply forget about it?
Well, obviously the answer is: No, you should not forget about this mistake or Yes, just move on and try to make things better.
But unfortunately, making things better requires a longer amount of time. And again, unfortunately, I do not have quite a lengthy amount of time. *Le sigh*
Try to make the best of it I guess. I screwed up once, I survived. I am screwing up again, and well, we'll see what goes on from here.
I suppose I know I should have acted with more discernment and should not have let my... condition act for me. But what is done is done and I am not able to take it back even though I wish I could.
Today one sentence that was said has spoken to me the most and had possibly a major impact on my thinking. Gah, I've done it again, I've realized. How could that be possible?
I thought I had learned, but in reality I have not yet aquired the knowledge that I must obtain in order to actually apply it into movement.
It must be because I am still getting used to it. Oh rebuke that statement. I can never get used to things despite the conditions. I should know by now that I shouldn't and should just look to the future because I know that what is right now is not forever.
So should I just simply forget about it?
Well, obviously the answer is: No, you should not forget about this mistake or Yes, just move on and try to make things better.
But unfortunately, making things better requires a longer amount of time. And again, unfortunately, I do not have quite a lengthy amount of time. *Le sigh*
Try to make the best of it I guess. I screwed up once, I survived. I am screwing up again, and well, we'll see what goes on from here.
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