No Matter What

"No matter what, I'll be there for you."

A line that I probably read over and over again in some type of Nicholas Sparks type book or some romantic comedy or pure romance film/novel.

I write this as I feel absolutely disillusioned by the media and probably all of my relationships in life. Tonight, was admittedly, absolutely a disaster. I felt like I should've known better from past experiences, but again, I didn't listen to my gut instinct in the first place and just allowed for things to happen. Some of these these things include:

1. Allowing my Emotions cloud my judgement
2. Trying to please others
3. Going the distance for people who will never reciprocate.

Addressing the first point, I felt like I should just stop myself right there. Certain people can make you feel a certain way in the perfect conditions, but during the imperfect conditions, those people won't be there for you at all. Like tonight, specifically. Open Mic Night. Everyone seemed to be in a passive, indifferent, not-so-nice mood. In this light, it is easy to see people the way they are. Sure, I'm an understanding person but I believe maybe this night I should at least try to be selfish. Pardon me for being so cryptic. A total of 1 person actually reads this. And that 1 person barely reads.

Addressing point number 2. I am a naturally loving person. But loving people will lead you to hurt if they don't reciprocate. Trying to always take care of someone will just leave you hurt. And to be quite frank, I don't need a crying baby in my life. Tonight's experience just one-upped my already incredibly high standards on men-- feeling sad? cool. just don't be a moron about it and focus your attention on other things. Specifically, trying to support me when I'm literally about to serenade you, but you didn't so I felt like crap. Thanks for that.

Addressing point number 3. I feel like I can never be sad or progress because I am surrounding myself with second rate type of people whom I never even want to become. I'm done with "helping people" like I did in high school. Treating everyone as a case that needs to be helped. I'm thinking of going selfish mode and just working on myself. That's what everyone is doing anyways, and being this giving, kind, and caring probably won't get me far in life.

In a nutshell, despite tonight's fake smiles and trying to just be a good person. The way that my so called "friends" didn't smile, cheer me on, was absolutely useless just made me realize that maybe I should find better friends who can actually help me grow.

I have some issues about ego, yes I know. and I also have some issues about wanting just to be the best at everything, at least that's a plus that I learned tonight.

Oh well.


TLDR: No one is perfect.