Division

So my parents just left Vancouver, the place I'm currently residing. I suddenly felt a wave of sadness overcome me. I felt very empty and wanted a longing for companionship, even though I consider myself a very independent person. This month would be considered a month of joy. Because it is about new beginnings, refocusing, restructuring, endings, and the like. And I say this because I just turned 21, graduated from an intense program, and moved out of a place I didn't like and into a new one. Everything right now should be perfect and idyllic, but instead I find myself circling back to the same place I was long time ago- feeling lonely, isolated, and back writing to this ever faithful blog that is the Strawberry Avalanche. Writing to you, still wondering if there is anyone out there willing to read these stories. Stories of pure passion, joy, sadness, fear, and anger. Stories of intense emotion, and lovely little anecdotes.

I still feel like my heart is being ripped into a million pieces. Wondering why the people I truly love are so far away, and the people I don't care about are so near. Did I do this to myself for fear of losing people I care about? I don't even know why I put myself in these types of situations.  Facing the truth really sucks, and I can see why a ton of people avoid it. They avoid facing the truth of themselves to probably avoid feeling these sucky feelings I'm currently feeling.

Anyways, I'm sorry dear readers if this blog post isn't as story-like as I usually write. I just really needed to get my emotions out in the open. I'm a very different person than who I was years ago in a very different place- more candid and honest. I'm not quite sure if this is the person I would like to be. But I am working on progressing and moving forward now. Moving forward from the things I cannot change and letting go. Moving towards not being divided in what I am called to do or with where I am, or being divided with family. There will be a time when everything will finally come together. It is my hope to find togetherness and love.

There will be a time where I will be able to put my writings, media skills, acting skills, and everything into one. And that time will come very soon- I can feel it happening. :)

signing off,
the strawberry avalanche girl