Photographs

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They say that photographs capture the moments and preserve the memories that you don't want to forget. I say,  sometimes they bring back emotions you don't want to remember. 

While looking for an acceptable photograph to find for mothers day,  I accidentally stumbled across a folder hidden within a folder that was buried under more folders.  That hidden secret folder contained photographs of happy memories of myself and someone in the past.  A whole entire album from years ago. Usually when one comes across photos of such, they are delighted. Well, it must've been the my state of mind and the time of day mixed together that caused a flood of emotions coming rushing right back. In this case,  I consider this flood closer to a natural disaster. 

It's late.  And I feel frustrated.  And I see those photographs again.  And I remember. But I want to forget I ever saw those pictures.  A part of me wanted to just delete those photos so I can be strong. so I can move on.  I thought I had because I was doing so well.  But then I remembered how much I loved you. And then I remembered how much I cared.  And then I remembered how much you weren't there.  And I remembered how you slowly stopped trying. And then completely stopped all together. My eyes sting.

Then another part of me wanted to keep them. Because they're good memories I want to hold onto.  Or maybe just to further rub salt in the wound.

Photographs.  They definately trigger emotions. Even the happiest of moments can trigger pain. Tonight, anyways. 

Is there a word for missing someone so much that it hurts and also knowing that they don't miss you at all and don't even have you in their mind?

No? Well good.  No one should have to define that pain anyways. 

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