Is this what they call it?

They laugh and ridicule me, not aware that what they're saying is not helping in the least bit as I face the most difficult task of my life. I try to hold in my tears, but I can't help it... they all of a sudden come out of my eyes, like a fast river rushing rapidly out of a dam that has been standing past its due date.

Everything, as you know, comes out from the build up of staying strong for too long. I try to block the thoughts from my mind, but they keep coming and coming.
Their words have cut me more than a thousand sharp knives that would be coming all at once. I hear one more remark and bam, like a pounding hammer-- it hits my heart just like that.

I'll try not to say too much. In fact, I may already have.

I brought it onto myself... always stuck in the daydream state. Always too happy, always looking forward to the future, flying through the breeze like a kite and taking it day by day like how I thought you're supposed to.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe that, that state I was in was when I was so naive was not even far behind me yet.

When you finally realize  and know that it is not always going to turn out how you dream or thought it would be... well, it's that breaking point isn't it? Or perhaps it's not?

My inner self is fighting against the world. As of now... it seems like everybody else is winning.

I'm so pitiful... sad. Why am I like this? Stop attacking me, you devil! Please stop.

They're watching me as I probably have turned into a dying sun. So once full of brightness and shine, is now gone. The beams fade away, the fire burned out, the glory is no more.
I feel minuscule.

Sort of ironic how you can feel so lonely when you're in a room full of people.
Well, that is how I feel right now... I have absolutely no idea who to turn to.

Maybe that is the problem. Maybe I should stop trying to do everything by myself.
They say I'm smart. Has it gone all to my head? I'm not sure... but has it?

Well the time has come to admit.... I can't do it. All. By. Myself.

The tears don't sting so much now... I don't really want anything....

Well maybe one thing.

Help.

The only problem is: I can't bring myself to ask for it.