Parties.

The high tech sound system dropped the bass down low.
Music pounds in my ears as the rockstar-themed and decorated room seems to come to life when the bright lights swirl around the room.
Glitter. Dark eyeliner. Black and grey. Purple and blue.
Twisted balloons hang from the High ceiling and the inner walls. Black modern pictures squared on the wall.
Confetti pops from the gun, then everybody cheers to the party rock anthem.

I hear my name get introduced with light claps from the people.
The spotlight shines on me and men with cameras press record, pointing their professional lenses at me.

My eyes glisten, eyelashes blink once as I step in front of the stage. I open my lips and the room goes silent.

~

It's odd that everytime, well almost everytime, I'm at a party I tend to have some sort of participation or involved requested from me.
Even though I don't really know the inviters that well.

In other words, I pretty much always get asked to speak :)

Not trying to make this sound complicated but, it's true.

Weddings, parties, meetings.
I get asked to speak.

Not many people know this about me but I'm really really shy.
My knees start to shake, the overwhelming feeling of nervousness starts to take over me, and it seems as though the world won't stop spinning.
Sometimes it looks as though I'm inside a fishbowl and everyone is poking it with their eyes and entire face pressed on the side making it appear like a big bulge.

Don't get me wrong.
Fear happens to everyone. But it takes a lot to conquer it.
It's called courage.

There's a big weight pushing down on me, trying to block out the oxygen, making my lungs suddenly feel heavy and weak.
I can't take it. I want to fall down and let the weight crush me.

But I don't.

I can't.
I instead block those two words out of my mind. Block it. Dodge it. Don't let it hit you.

I may not have best upperbody strength. Buy still I push that heavy weight up, preventing it from ever conquering me.

Not everything is easy. Not everything is handed to you so simply.

Still quite reluctant to, I make my choice. Either I could stand, or fall.

Then I think about the "What if" questions.

What if I refused? I let my fear get the better of me and completely regret it. Surely no one would ask me to go on stage anymore, knowing I wouldn't have the guts to.

But then again, isn't that a relief? No more nervousness, no more being afraid of messing up, no more expectations.

But that's just playing it safe.

It's like taking the shortcut on a hiking trail. You don't want to face the possibility of tree branches hitting you, getting scraped on your knees, scratched, bruised, and scarred. The thorns, prickles, maybe even poison ivy won't get the chance to touch you. You won't even break a sweat. Not bothering to look at the spinning arrow twirling around the small object in your hand directing you if you're headed the right direction. Looking at a map would be waste of time because you can already see where you're headed.

Absolutely no challenge at all.

But where would that get you? Sure, you'd get there. Easy.
You're already at the top before everybody else, it's still the middle of day time, sun shining down on you. It's a beautiful day.
You decide to head back because you have extra time left. Hey! Maybe you could even sit on that couch and finally finish that book you've been working on. Comfortable right?

Still, you know there's something missing, nothing to learn or grasp.

The satisfaction of finally reaching that peak. That point where you've been dreaming, working hard to go.

You're finally there. Seeing that beautiful sunset emerge from the clouds. An explosion of run rays beam in all directions from the clouds. Vibrant colours of yellow, orange, red, and gold light up the sky. Tints of pink, purple, and blue accents under those gleaming colours.

It is so beautiful.

A tear streaks down from your eye, I made it, you say to yourself. I finally made it.

~

Opening my eyes, I end with a breath.

The light still blocking my view from the crowd, I could feel the intensity. No, I wasn't nervous anymore. I was completely fine.

I walk down from the stage and the party officially begins.

The music starts playing again and everybody's faces seem to glow with smiles. Just like that sunset.